There are few things you can count on to stay the same. Even when you are feeling mature and in control, God works his slow transformation.
I used to despise the winter to the point that I moved to California after college in central Pennsylvania. Trudging through streets with 20ft high snow piles, I couldn’t stand the frigid cold that often spanned October through April.
I loved the heat but now after almost 3 years into motherhood, I’ve done a 180 to favor the fall and don’t mind the winter at all. I welcome it over summer as I happily say goodbye to endless sweat and bugs. I look forward to the first snowflakes and imagine God’s voice drifting down with the soft crystals saying, “Sometimes I come as quiet as the snow.”
Psalm 130:5-6: I wait for the Lord, my soul waits and I hope for his word. My soul looks for the Lord more than sentinels for daybreak.
There are other things God has touched for me. For so long I felt I was not doing enough, that the loneliness and menial labor required to provide for my kids and household were empty with little meaning. Every day I wanted to do and to be and to have more. I lived in a state of want and unrest. I really didn’t think things would ever change and felt like I no power in it. But He did.
God heard my prayers and saw my efforts to learn His word and slowly, very slowly, He changed my heart in subtle ways. I’m nowhere near the end of this journey and I’m not overflowing every moment with happy joy joy, but I feel full. For once I am not wanting.
Now I pray my desires match His; that I want what He dreams for me. My vocations are before me. I must make a choice, a daily conversion, and wait for the slow work of God like the patient farmer who plants his seeds.
Dear friend, the answer is not in seeking change from below or to be happy because of things in this world. God made you to be enough. If you are open, He will transform your life into what He wants it to be for your own good.
Romans 8:28: We know that all things work for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose.
God is constantly, faithfully at work within you. Have hope. The landscape always changes in both physical circumstance and in the space in your heart that waits for change to emerge like the butterfly from the cocoon.