I couldn’t see how far I was from the present until a friend illuminated my perspective. Having twin toddler boys often leaves me exhausted and at times drives me mad and projecting into the future when they are older. I hover in my pleasant imaginary space where they can feed themselves without a total mess, use the potty, and dress themselves without tantrums. Oh sweet relief! In times of stress and frustration this looks like a great blessing to look forward to. But what am I losing in exchange for it?
There’s nothing like little feet running to hug you saying, “Mommy! I love you Mommy!” I am the first and last person they clamor to see each day, want to lay with on the couch, and play “Mommy tickle you.” One day my boys will be too big and cool to spontaneously kiss and hug me, to cuddle with me, to desperately want me to hold and comfort them. Am I ready to let this go? Do I really see that what I have with them right now is incredibly precious and evolving so quickly?
Reflecting deeper, I can imagine how I will feel when my little baby loves are mature and experiencing the pain and evil that pervades this world. SMACK! It hits me in the gut. Their innocence and unbridled joy will fade. But right now, this moment, is a rare opportunity to live fully into the connection I have with them and the unique purpose of my role through their eyes. Today I see their perfection despite my challenges.
James 4:13-14: Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, and spend a year there and engage in business and make a profit.” Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away.
I might be eager to put them to bed each night, but how I love their sweet sounds, smiles, smell, and cute little bodies. Now I see how important it is for me to revel in the present. To ingrain poignant memories that will fill my heart through the struggle, growth, and constant change of a human life.
Dear friend, do you see the beauty and value of who you are and where you are today? Take a deep breath. Hug your little one tight in your arms. Smile. The view from here is awesome.