Regrets and Amends

Tiffany Parry

It’s an honor to have Tiffany Parry of simplyforone.net guest blog today! Her words are an inspiring, heart-resonating blend of loving lessons of faith and a call to healing and knowing God’s truth. My friend Tiffany has a deeply moving fire and talent for writing. Read her insight on regrets and amends…

If I could flip through a scrapbook of my twelve years with my son (for illustration’s sake, let’s say I had time to scrapbook) there would be many wonderful memories to sift through. Snapshots would capture the excitement of all the “firsts” and the proud moments of motherhood.

If the photos reflected reality, they would also display the memories that make my stomach roll and shame come calling. The days when I was impatient, when words were spoken out of exhaustion and blew up into anger. The moments I should have embraced instead of dismissed as annoying interruptions.

Regrets have a way of surfacing in vivid color and fading the happier memories to gray.

No one can truly prepare us for parenthood, can they? We can read the books and heed advice up to our eyeballs, but being responsible for another life is the biggest journey of faith we will ever embark on. It is a step-by-step, trial by fire, uphill battle. The rewards are promised, but aren’t always seen in the trenches.

Like any battle of faith—we moms face a real enemy. The devil loves to condemn us for our errors and convince us that our losses far outweigh our wins.

We can get so seated in our parenting regret that we lose sight of our personal redemption.

Just because we’re somebody’s mom, doesn’t mean we aren’t still a sinner in need of a Savior. God doesn’t give us a child to raise and expect, or even ask us, to get everything right.

The accountability of parenting doesn’t diminish the power of forgiveness.

We make mistakes—as people, as parents—it’s our nature. It’s the way we handle the things we do wrong and apply our faith that brings us to a right-standing with God.

The quickest way to erase regrets is to make amends.

“You let the distress bring you to God, not drive you from Him. The result [will be] all gain, no loss. Distress that drives us to God does that. It turns us around. It gets us back in the way of salvation. We never regret that kind of pain.” 2 Corinthians 7:8-9 MSG

To avoid regret, we keep short accounts. With God, who already knows we’re not perfect and with the people we love, who need to know we realize we’re not either.

Children are so forgiving. And it’s an attribute we ought to capitalize on. They see us through eyes of unconditional love and they don’t define us by our mistakes. It’s the way we love them, right? The same way God loves us.

It’s a powerful and far-reaching example to set for our kids when we’re willing to confess our wrongdoing and give them the opportunity to exercise forgiveness. It’s a tangible lesson in grace – the perfect way to model the cross.

When we humble ourselves and sacrifice our pride, forgiveness washes away regret.

There are some not so pleasant memories I’d like to rip out of that scrapbook. Some things I’d go back and re-do and a few I’d like undone all together.

But shame won’t recover the past and guilt only cripples the future.

We serve a God who is a receiver of amends and a remover of regrets. For the ones we offer today and the many we’ll bring in our tomorrows. For us, for our kids, and for every generation to come.

Let’s set the pattern—to willingly confess, wholeheartedly forgive, to train up our children in His grace. To treasure every memory knowing that none are in vain.

God chose you to raise up the precious lives He’s entrusted to your care—He has no regrets.

About the author…Tiffany is exceedingly grateful for a God who knows her flaws and yet prizes her as precious and chosen. She is wife of sixteen years and has just embarked on the tween adventure with her twelve year old son. A lover of words, Tiffany purposes to use hers to speak truth and encourage others that while life can be messy, God is greater. She welcomes you to follow along as she pursues God and leans into grace on her word-by-word journey through the mountains and valleys of faith at her blog, Simply for One.

www.simplyforone.net

www.facebook.com/simplyforone

Twitter: @tiffparry

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20 thoughts on “Regrets and Amends

  1. Pingback: Regrets and Amends | Simply for One

  2. Beautiful words, as always, Tiffany. This speaks volumes, “The quickest way to erase regrets is to make amends.” So much yes and a lesson I can’t seem to quite learn. And you are right, our children forgive so very easily…because of how we love them. I’ve never thought of it that way. And of course it’s the same work our Father. Such beautiful parallel truth! Love you! And so happy to see you spreading your wings and flying to this lovely blog today. 😊

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    • Amends can be so hard, right?! Especially if there is a whole lot of pride to swallow and we’re holding on to being right. But our kids forgive and then jump right to forget so easily, don’t they? There is something to be said for that childlike faith – as undeserving as we can be of that sort of blind love. It’s just like our God to give us these little people to love and then allow them to teach us such BIG lessons. Love you, friend – thanks for visiting Stacy and me. 🙂

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  3. Such wonderful words, Tiffany! I could honestly write down so many of your quotes from above. My husband and I have talked about this a lot…whenever we make those mistakes but how grateful we are for God’s grace and the forgiveness of our children. We tell ourselves “I’ve never parented an 11 year old before,” because it’s certainly different than the year before when she was 10. And the others are so vastly different, that we need to be patient and learn those love languages of each unique personality in order to love and discipline accordingly. We’re always learning…but I am so grateful for a Father who loves me and is the ultimate role model for me at the end of the day.

    Truly inspired by visiting this link today!

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    • Oh, Jennifer – it’s so true! Just when we think we’ve mastered one phase, our kids enter a new one and throw us completely off center. And how they have the nerve to exercise that free will! 😉 Yes and amen to our Father who is our role model and who guides us and so graciously heaps on that mercy each new day. Thanks for visiting Stacy’s home and for sharing your perspective (and for commenting on my page too-you went the extra mile!!). Blessings!

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  4. Tiffany,
    These words broke me open: “But shame won’t recover the past and guilt only cripples the future. We serve a God who is a receiver of amends and a remover of regrets. For the ones we offer today and the many we’ll bring in our tomorrows. For us, for our kids, and for every generation to come.”
    Such truth, freeing truth! God is so faithful to lead us and to hedge behind us. He is faithful to me in my parenting and faithful to my children in their growth, leaving neither of us in need. I have been so encouraged by your words today and am grateful to have found you through Meredith’s space!

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    • I know, Brandi – I’m been traveling the steps of those truths too and I’ve been laid bare a few times. As a woman, then a mom, who gets tangled in getting things just so – shame and guilt can be haunting. But they aren’t where God wants us to sit, are they – and boy do they combat faith. He is so gracious to receive and remove when we are faithful to confess – which isn’t always easy or natural. We’re walking these steps of faith together, sister and I’m so glad to have met you on the journey too. Thanks for visiting me here today. Hugs!

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  5. So glad I saw you at Meredith’s place today, Tiffany! Yes, we have much to regret, but the biggest thing is not apologizing. I’ve also noticed how quick my kids are to forgive. It’s like they view it as a holy, wonderful thing that their mom is apologizing. Now that my kids are teens, I’m reaping double. They apologize to me!

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    • Isn’t that the best, Betsy. I’ve noticed that with our son, as well. We’ve tried to set the pattern with mutual apologies from the time he was young and, though we are far from perfect, he has grown to be quick to apologize to us as well. We’re on the cusp of the teen years and its encouraging to my heart to know that he knows the expectations and will acknowledge on his own when he needs to step it up – before us and ultimately before God. Thanks for stopping by here Betsy – always a blessing.

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  6. I am thankful that our God gives us do-overs. Shame and regret are such tools of the enemy of our souls. Love the affirming message you shared here, Tiffany. I think it holds true for all relationships, not just for mommies. So glad I was linked up after you at Meredith’s today! Blessings 🙂

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    • So true, Anita – “a journey in grace”. I’ve learned so many tangible lessons in grace from my son – how much he needs it from me and how much I need it too – and how grateful we need to be to our God who lavishes it so willingly. Thanks for visiting me in Stacy’s home and for your comment at my place too! Blessings!

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  7. Tiffany, this was such an encouraging post and I can so relate. I spend so much time thinking about what I could have done better with my kids that I forget about what I’ve actually done right. And I forget that God chose me to parent these littles for a reason. Thank you for your words, friend. So much grace and truth here; I just want to soak it all in.

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    • Me too, Abby. I find myself thinking on things from when he was a toddler which he doesn’t remember and that I certainly can’t change. There are so many victories to celebrate along the way and remembering those makes me feel equipped to walk forward…with a teenager! Yikes!! Thanks for your words here, friend.

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  8. The good news is, from a newly Emptied Nest Mama — they really do mostly remember the good, and let go of those bad/hard days! In fact, my own girlie just texted me the other day, thanking me for being strict and consistent… hindsight is so often full of grace! It’s true though… no amount of reading books prepares you for the day in and day out constant of parenting! She also thanked me for being brave enough to apologize to her through out her growing up years and ask for forgiveness when I missed it! It kept our heart connection strong and it helped her to be brave and do the same when she needed to!

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    • That’s so great, Karrillee! It blesses my heart to hear and it must be so wonderful to see the fruit of your faithfulness. Has to be so bittersweet to watch her spread her wings away from home. I’m glad we have more time with our little man, but I know it’s going to pass in a blink. Thanks for visiting here.

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  9. “God doesn’t give us a child to raise and expect, or even ask us, to get everything right.” –> I need this. So much truth and encouragement here, Tiffany! Well said.

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  10. “The accountability of parenting doesn’t diminish the power of forgiveness”. This speaks volumes to me, in our second year of homeschooling and I realize everyday how I need forgiveness both from my kids and my Heavenly Father. Homeschooling is just a part of this parenting adventure I never planned – but I love that my kids see the real everyday me. Even if that means if I need MORE forgiveness:). Thank you for these beautiful words!

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  11. A beautiful post, Tiffany. Nothing could have ever prepared me for motherhood. And believe me, I had plenty of parenting books. I have often felt that in the process of my children growing up, God used that time to help me to grow up, in Him that is 🙂 I loved this line >>”God chose you to raise up the precious lives He’s entrusted to your care—He has no regrets.” So encouraging!

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